3 more sleeps

I can’t actually remember what I did Thursday so if you did visit me I apologise!

Friday I remember very well. It was the day of the cricket club awards. I was in agony in the morning. Screaming and sobbing as my leg hurt so much. My face looked awful. I’d woken up with a bright red, angry looking rash over most of it. I told Rob I wasn’t doing anyone. I’d prefer not to be here than living in so much pain. Also told him he should leave me as I’m horrible and ugly, I feel I look like a freak. Obviously he told me to be quiet, I’ve got to have my chemo and he’s not going anywhere! That was the end of that conversation!

I pretty much spent the rest of the day crying. Then I had a wonderful lady come over. A few weeks ago my friend shared on Facebook a video about a makeup artist who went round to cancer patients to do their makeup to make them feel better about themselves. I’d commented on this and said I was either booked in or had done the look good feel better workshop (memory is terrible). To cut a long story short; this lady is friends with my friend, had seen our conversation and offered to do my makeup if ever I wanted her to.

She was amazing, such a lovely lady who made me feel and look normal. Gave me the confidence to go out that evening.  Such a nice thing to do and I can’t thank her enough.

So I could no longer cry Friday as I didn’t want to smudge my make up!  We went out and even though I was sat down all evening, I was shattered! Was so lovely to see our friends and I kept the tears to a minimum!

I had a few people ask me what happens during chemo. As I started to explain I could feel my tummy tighten and the sickness rising through my body until it sits at the back of my thoat. Knowing I’ve got to do it all again on Friday really does fill me with dread.

Saturday my youngest was singing up the town for the Christmas lights switch on. My leg wasn’t co-operating so Rob wheeled me up there. The majority of people are very considerate when they see a wheelchair but there are a few who just stand straight in front blocking any kind of view I had!

She did very well, they all did. As the pop up stage was in front of the pub and youngest went home with her dad we then spent the rest of the afternoon in the pub. Not that much fun when you’re in pain nor drinking but it’s not always about me. Rob enjoyed himself haha. My eldest popped in too which was lovely as I hadn’t seen her for a few months as she’s always working!

Sunday I was shattered. How can you have a hangover when you wasn’t drinking?! Lazy day followed by trip to panto with my friend and the kiddies.

Yesterday Rob wheeled me round the garden centre and then up town. I was looking for a polar bear. Can always see them when I’m not able to get one but could I find one yesterday? No.

Last night number two daughter and her boyfriend cane round for dinner and we had some house guests arrive who are here until tomorrow.

My leg is still the same so won’t go on about it. I tried to phone the dr yesterday as I need a referral to the pain clinic. I couldn’t get through so will ring tomorrow (have an appointment with number three child so can’t go today).

The very few hairs I have left are being problematic. My legs feel like they have thorns growing out of them. My eyes are still very weepy (even without me crying) and blurry. My eyebrows now have lots of bald spots which I pointed out to Rob at the weekend. He said they looked fine, which they did as I’d coloured them in!

Kiddies are all good. I’m trying to keep up with the washing. Successfully achieved it, walked upstairs – it’s full! I don’t remember number 4 child wearing her bikini lately; apparently she’s just got round to emptying her suitcase from when she went to Spain in August! I’ve heard it all now!

Signing off on a positive note – our tree is up and it looks beautiful xx