Countdown begins again – 6 days to go

Thursday I had a fantastic day. As I drove to the school to pick up number three child for his appointment, it was like a scene off Thelma and Louise.  Well maybe just Louise or Thelma and I have a roof on my car oh and I only opened the window about a cm. Ok the only thing similar was I was a female in a car with a scarf on my head! But, I thoroughly enjoyed my journey, music on and singing.  I haven’t done that for a while.

Picked child up, took to appointment, appointment successful, took back to school then met my lovely sister for lunch. Perfect day.

My arms have been really ‘annoying’ lately.  I can’t really think of a better word to describe them, quite itchy too.  I also have been very uncomfortable in other places, like I’ve been horse riding for about a week constantly if you know what I mean?! Today I discovered why.  I have lots of bald patches on my arms.  I have also noticed that I have been checking the wrong end of the bed for hair loss 😉

Last night at my 4th wee stop I made Rob put the light on.  I could feel a bald patch on my head.  It looks more like I am receding on top.  Maybe not too noticeable to others but I can’t stop stroking it.  My hair feels like pins at the moment, I will be glad when it has actually fallen out.

We all sat and watched Stand up 2 cancer on channel 4 last night.  Not sure if it was a good idea or not.  I’ve read this morning some main cancer forums that people who are going through cancer the moment were not particularly happy with the stories.  Very doom and gloom.  The stories shared were heart wrenching.  Every one that came on about breast cancer my youngest hugged me a little tighter.  I explained to her when people had passed away that the survival rates of breast cancer have come on so much, just in those few years.  Anita’s story cut deep.  Everything she said was what I’ve been saying, we have the same aggressive type, we even look alike! Rob asked from the kitchen if I was on telly!

I do understand why they have to share the stories they did.  If it was full of positive stories, unfortunately people wouldn’t donate as much as they have.  Cancer is real, it attacks everyone and anyone.  It doesn’t care if you’re old or young, healthy or not so healthy, single or married, male or female.  It does kill but survival rates are going up all the time and I think any awareness is good and despite how hard it was to watch – Rob even threatening to turn it over if I didn’t stop crying – I think they did very well and raised an enormous amount of money which can only be a good thing.

I did ask Rob before we went to bed if he thinks I’m going to die.  No. It was the first time I have ever thought it.  This breast cancer will not kill me, this chemotherapy will not kill me either but every now and then I do worry that I will get secondary cancer down the line.  Every time that little thought pops into my mind I bury it, not quite throw it away, I think it will always be there and it’s not being negative.

I have some VIP’s visiting tomorrow so best I flick the duster about.  Have a wonderful half term for all those who have it off and those of you who don’t, I bet you wish you enjoyed it when you had the chance! haha