8 more days…

I’d love to report that things have improved significantly since Saturday but unfortunately not. Except my eyes, they have. I’ve got my glasses so I can read again! Just need to stop them watering for me to focus.

It isn’t just from me still being so tearful, my eyes are quite sore – I’ve read, part of chemo.

Saturday we had a surprise 50th meal to go to (I can write about it now). Sadly I wasn’t well enough to go. I was so disappointed as it had been arranged for so long and I really wanted to see everyone. We’ve probably got off lightly as that’s the first event I’ve not been able to go to that I thought I would have been ok.

Although, I shouldn’t say too much more out loud. We have the cricket dinner and dance tomorrow night and if I have to give an answer right now, Rob will be going on his own to that one too.

My leg is still causing me so much pain. The mornings are definitely the worst. When I’m in bed I am in pain, it wakes me constantly during the night. I manage to get to my bedroom door before all the little pain drones in my leg have woken up and realise I’m on the move. I’ve tears in my eyes by the time I’ve reached the stairs. When I make it to the kitchen I’m now screaming, clinging onto the worktop and have tears filling the washing up bowl. This lasts about 15 minutes and is every single day.

The pain does seem to ease a bit as the day goes on until about 8pm when it starts to get bad again. The worst thing is because it’s nerve damage, it is ongoing. No one can say only another week or month, we just don’t know how long it will be here for. It is horrible.

It has really put a strain on me both mentally and physically. Every morning is spent crying. The pain is deliberating. It really is worse than labour. I feel my body is giving up on me and there’s been times these past few days where I’d quite happily just let it. I could easily give up.

I’ve made a mental note not to tell Rob how I’m feeling during Match of the Day – not sure he even remembers the one sided conversation!

Tuesday I sat down and managed to wrap all the presents which have arrived so far. I was shattered after but it felt good. I have chemo again next week so that’s me going to be out of action for a while. I need to know it’s all done before next Friday. I don’t want the kiddies missing out on anything because of this. It’s taken enough from us, it’s not having Christmas too!

Yesterday I had some lovely visitors. My lovely friend came with lunch (and cake) It was so nice just lounging on the sofa chatting. Was a really relaxing day. I could feel my face tightening with tiredness as the afternoon went on. Who knew doing nothing is so exhausting!

Last night another two turned up (carrier bag full of cake). I was exhausted and tearful but just seeing them perked me up so much. Our fish and chips was delicious too, always a bonus!

Apart from the pain in my leg and being abnormally tired I don’t think this cycle was too bad. My head is a little sore still. My tongue is uncomfortable and mouth is still sore. I can’t wait for my taste buds to return to normal. Today I have the measle look back. Think it was around this day last time too. My nose is painful as well, never take for granted your nasal hair people! Eyebrows have started thinning too!

It is just gone 9 and the phone has rung twice already, once being the school. Think it’s going to be a long day! I had best make the painful long journey downstairs for breakfast, I’m wasting away up here!