Not much to report

Just a little update as so many of you keep asking. Not much to report. Struggling with my head. It feels like it has been replaced with a nail bomb waiting to detonate. Think the tightness and pressure will give me instant relief when it does!

I am absolutely exhausted. Not having one painfree day since the last cycle the exhaustion is just building up. Not having one night of undisturbed sleep since getting my recall letter in August probably isn’t helping with that either!

Steriods are doing their job, sugar levels sky high and peeing every 45 minutes 24 hours a day. Down to just one a day now so hopefully that will stop soon.

Little one enjoyed her birthday at the weekend. She came back from her dad’s in good spirits and looking through her new phone she seems to have mastered the ‘selfie’! Every year her birthday has suffered. Being born 14 weeks early she’s always been poorly this time of year. One year she was well but I was in hospital with pneumonia. Most years her party has had to be postponed or cancelled due to illness. This year luckily Dad stood in and took her and her friends out. Next year, I’m going to make sure she has a big one.

She has been amazing through all this, never asked for anything. If I can take just one positive through this is it will be her attitude and resilience. When we were at the panto the other week every time they mentioned a beautiful lady she was hug my arm and whisper ‘they aren’t as beautiful as you’. She really melts my heart.

I have number four child off as she’s really not well, something is seriously wrong – her words not mine, mine are ‘you have a cold’ but I’m too weak to argue.

Rob went to work at 4am, so I’ve been wide awake since then, lucky really as who would have been up to clean the cat sick up?! Kept thinking one of those nails would fall out into it!

Im on a mission to book a holiday next summer. Last Easter I had a hysterectomy then last August I had my gallbladder removed. This year was going to be our summer. We booked to visit mum in Portugal but the timings were all wrong. She got the keys to her new house a few hours before we arrived, no electricity for four days then my recall letter from the hospital. Breast cancer has taken up every day since.

In September Rob put his holiday in for next August. We desperately need some family time away. November he got the form back declined as there are too many people off. I’m so upset. The children are school ages and I work in a school so only have school holidays off. I’ve started looking at going somewhere just me and the kiddies, maybe France so I can drive, flights are too expensive but now I’m not sure I’m actually going to be that brave!

I had a lovely visitor yesterday and all I did is moan but I tried to smile a few times, just think my face would split if I kept it up!

Hope you’re all having a good week and I will put a positive post up soon but having this is very lonely at times xxx