What a difference a year makes

I keep being asked how am I doing and told how much people have enjoyed reading these blogs, (still don’t know if I’m doing them right!) so thought I’d update you. Seems apt today as my time hop on Facebook has just told me this time last year was my 20th and last radiotherapy. Well tomorrow is but my Facebook thinks it’s an hour ahead.

I’m still working, well I show up haha no, I’ll have you know I work very hard. I still love being in the school though it seems by body isn’t as keen. November I came down with shingles. Boy do they hurt, like constant tiny bees stings. I recovered from that (well I think I have), then broke up for Christmas with a bladder infection. Christmas was going to be amazing this year after nearly not making it last year. But alas no, in bed Christmas Day then for the whole of the holidays. Both ears infected, throat infection and chest infection. Finally got down to just coughing 10 times a day and whack, I literally get knocked down with Aussie flu. I’m still coughing and phlegmy (yuck) but on the mend.

Hubby doesn’t seem to understand why I’m always ill. If I’m honest, I’m not enjoying it myself! I don’t know how long my immune system is compromised or if it’s just a coincidence. I’ve read about the delayed fatigue from both chemo and radiotherapy. On top of them I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and my diabetes makes me tired. I’m impressed I even get up at all!

I’m still in a lot of pain and on way too many drugs which I’d like to come off. I’m having a block put in my back next month. I can’t wait, I have everything crossed it will work. I kneeled down the other day – big mistake. As I attempted to get up it felt like every ligament and nerve ripped apart in my feet! I’m struggling big time with my hands, my thumb is now stuck, the joint clicks and feels like it’s being run over by a steam roller every time I move it. Makes most things very difficult to carry out. I struggle to use my stick as the pressure on the hand is too much, especially with my weight! Name any part of my body and that will no doubt be painful too. I am very fed up with this all. The other day I even googled how many of my tapentadol I could take without finishing me off. Just a few pain free hours would be good. I’m not sure if it’s the letrozle (cancer drug), the fibromyalgia or if I’m just getting old. Probably a combination of all!

That garland of ulcers in my mouth which I used to talk about during chemo is still there. They aren’t as painful, unless I bite them in my sleep, which I do frequently!

I went on a Cancer Care course for younger women recently. Was a very emotional two days as obviously the only subject was cancer. Was nice to know I’m ‘normal’. The paranoia, tiredness etc, it’s all normal! I came away feeling so much better and met some lovely ladies too. My paranoia hasn’t gone about it returning. I still believe it will before I’m 50 but I’m not being all doom and gloom, will cross that bridge if it ever did.

My colonoscopy just showed diverticula disease so that was a relief.

Last Friday I actually put some make-up on and went out with my hubby. Something we’d not done for a while. Was nice feeling semi-human and something I hadn’t felt comfortable doing for a while. I’ve been making him go out on his own so I’m proud of myself.

I’ve dyed my hair so I don’t feel as frumpy anymore. Actually starting to like the curls. Still needs a style but this time last year I hardly had any!

Cancer is still affecting our lives daily. Wish life would go back to how it was before but we can never have our life before cancer. We need to try make it not take over (ok I do), I had it, I’m fixed. We just need to adjust a few things. We have more than some people do.

Tomorrow I’m going out with some of my lovely friends. Something a few months ago I’d never have thought I’d be able to do. I may even plait my hair, just because I can! One day at a time people and remember, life is precious, choose and live it wisely xx